Desenhar :3
The Transcript Of A First Date Between Cormac McCarthy and Elizabeth Gilbert
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NT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Both read menus in silence.
Elizabeth: I think I deserve something beautiful.
Cormac: Where’s the waiter? I need more bread sticks.
Elizabeth: Yikes! Too many carbs for me.
Cormac: Too many what?
Elizabeth: I’m sure he’ll come soon. (Pause) I think I’ll get the salmon.
Cormac grunts. Elizabeth shuts her menu.
Elizabeth: So, have you read any good books lately?
Cormac: I tend to only remember the bad.
Elizabeth: Ha! Yes, I remember all of Twilight and none of The Brothers Karamazov.
Elizabeth laughs to herself. Cormac sees no humor in the situation. He picks up the candle on their table and blows it out.
Cormac: The light is gone.
Elizabeth: Oh, we’ll have to ask them for a new one!
Cormac: No. The light. It’s out.
There is an awkward pause that confuses Elizabeth. Cormac seems to find comfort in this silence, as he stares at the candle unabashed. Elizabeth persists anyways because she’s just here to have fun and she’s not getting any younger.
Elizabeth: Now, Cormac, you have such a consistent body of work. Where do you find your muse?
Cormac: I don’t have a muse. I have ideas. I write them down. I publish a book. Then I go home and go to bed. Does anybody work here?
Elizabeth: Sometimes I worry I’ll never write another good book, and will eventually die alone spooning a cat and 100 copies of Eat, Pray Love.
Cormac: Just write words you like and sell them.
Elizabeth: Yes, I suppose.
Cormac sighs. He reaches into his coat pocket and takes our a cigar.
Cormac: Elizabeth, nobody wants to be here and nobody wants to leave.
Elizabeth: I want to be here! We have so much in common!!!
Cormac: Let’s not waste our time. You think when you wake up in the morning that yesterday isn’t important. That it’s just one date, one dinner. (Cormac lights his cigar with matches) But yesterday is all that matters and I don’t want to waste my time.
Elizabeth: Waste your time? This could really work! People think a soul mate is your perfect fit. But a true soul mate is a mirror.
Cormac: I’ve never looked in a mirror.
Waiter approaches.
Waiter: Sir, you can’t smoke in here.
Cormac is unaffected and continues to smoke. Elizabeth accidentally knocks over the waiter as she stands up to deliver the following speech with excessive hand gestures.
Elizabeth: A soul mate is the person who shows you everything that is holding you back! They make you self-aware so you can change your life. They shake you up, tear apart your ego, show you your obstacles, break your heart open, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life.
Cormac: (standing) You keep running that mouth and I’m going to take you out back, break open your heart and make you so desperate that you wish you’d never poked me on OkRelevantAmericanWriters.com.
Elizabeth: First of all mister, you poked me back! And second of all, you need to learn how to select your thoughts!
Cormac throws an $100 bill on the table and leaves. Elizabeth sits down, collects herself and orders the salmon. She eats it alone, because she deserves it. Nothing is wrong with a woman eating alone. Its great! Good for her. She’s going to write a book about! There’s no need to ask her about this date later.